Put God First
The following message was supposed to be posted on our Bold.Beautiful.Beloved instagram page but, because this whole message wouldn’t fit I decided to place it here as one of our blogs. I hope reading this blesses you and much as it has blessed me. :)
Dear Bold.Beautiful.Beloved Family,
For those of you who have been wondering why there have been no posts, no questions, and really no engagement the past couple of weeks. I must tell you that I have been going through the toughest season of my life, and to be honest it’s 100% all my fault.
Why you may ask?!
Well it’s kind of a long story, but I’ll say this… The sooner that you fully know, fully believe, fully understand, and fully accept all that God has made you to be, the better off you will live.
Y’all putting God first is not a joke, it’s not a cliché, and it’s not something that we should switch back and forth about. Putting God FIRST in absolutely everything that we do, is a wholehearted decision that is intentionally made every single day. It’s a commitment to God, His Word, His Promises, and all that He is! It’s understanding that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12)
The Lord has been using my mom, and many others over the years to teach me that Jesus is The Only One who will ever truly satisfy me. Yet still over the years I kept ignoring their warnings, and desperately searching for friendships, mentors, fame, approval and more to fill God’s spot in my heart. That by far has been the worst decision that I have ever made, because at the end of the day, when you’re sitting alone in your room with just you and your thoughts, you realize what a miserable life you’ve been living, and how you have lowered yourself and your worth to only equate to the highest of peoples standards. You begin to believe what anyone and everyone says about you, even when you know it’s a lie deep down in your heart. To be honest, the obvious becomes less obvious, both spiritually and physically, and you realize that you’re fighting a spiritual war with physical weapons that aren’t even made for the fight.
I’ve resisted God in my heart for a while, out of pride, shame, disbelief, and fear. But none of this was/is ever worth it. I’m grateful to say that I’m finally at the point where I can see all of my mistakes, all of my wrongs (whether done intentionally or unintentionally), and all of the guilt I’ve been carrying for so many years. But even better than that, I now know and believe that The Blood of Jesus covers them all.
I’ve realized that I’ve struggled with not having a hard heart towards God, simply because my earthly dad never even tried to be good, or do good without a sinister motive. I was always looking for a corrupt motive and an excuse to cut people off. Though I felt unaware at the time, it was hard the last 12ish years for me to truly believe that God saw me, sees me, helps me, loves me, supports me, and provides for me, with the Purest of Hearts, Love and Intentions! Now I see though, that He’s always wanted/wants good for me, and His Plans are always good! He is always providing a way for me, and He loves me even when I’ve run away from Him.
I’m tired of living life on my own, even if it looks like I haven’t been. Just like how real beauty comes from the heart, real faith comes from the heart as well!
I’m ready to live with real faith, with real belief in Jesus, with real reverence to all that God is. I don’t wanna look back at my life, and say that I lived a single second or chapter without Him.
So as you’re getting to the end of this book I pray that this reminds you of the following things:
1) Social Media is fake. Most of the time when I’m not on social media, it’s because big life changes are happening.
2) God REALLY LOVES YOU, and that’s no joke, no lie, and it’s 100,000,000% ok for you to accept His Love no matter what you’ve done. There’s absolutely nothing that can replace the moment when you truly realize and accept how much you need a Savior, and not just any savior, but only Jesus Christ!
3) Hiding regret, shame, fear and all other negative emotions and experiences, has never been good for anyone. It’s time that we realize that we’re not perfect, and that’s OK because, us not being perfect, only magnifies the fact that we’re the perfect candidates for a relationship with Jesus.
4) One of the goals in my life and while I’m on social media is to be 1000% honest, even when it hurts. I’ve struggled with this in the past because in hiding how I was really feeling, and projecting what I thought people needed, I had convinced myself that I could do it on my own when I couldn’t, can’t, and will never be able to.
5) I NEED JESUS is the most powerful posture that the human heart can be positioned in. It is total surrender and it’s totally bold, beautiful, and beloved by God!
I love you all with all of my heart, and I truly consider y’all as friends of mine. But as a dear friend that I met on social media always reminds me. GOD LOVES YOU MORE!